Tonight I was supposed to meet with a former friend for coffee and girltalk. This was her idea; she invited herself over to see the new house, and after a month I just couldn't dodge it anymore. Also, I'll admit, part of me wanted to show off what I now have. In typical fashion, she did not show up. An email sent an hour prior with a completely transparent excuse, that I was initially naive enough to buy. That is what made me angry, not so much the wasted Wednesday evening, but that I had been duped.
I don't understand why she did that - she had pursued me all summer wanting to come over and see the house. And then, the cancel. Not even the second time that she has done that on me. Why?
It makes me sad because we used to be good friends. Frequent friends, connected friends. And, now this. I don't know why she can't let the friendship die the natural death that it is dying. Why does she periodically attempt to revive it?
I know why I am open to it: I miss the good parts of our friendship, and each time there is a revival I allow myself to think, "Ok, maybe this time it will be different." It never is.
I should stop allowing myself to hope.