Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Reflecting

Change is a good thing. I have never been opposed to change. What I have been is opposed to the speed at which change happens. Change seems to happen too quickly sometimes, and on the treadmill of life I am panting to keep up with the processing and appreciating of what happens.
Today, I did not keep up - you could form the visualization of me shooting off the backend of the treadmill and crashing into the wall. I had to make a long walk into a dark basement, where oddly there is a treadmill, where I then had to give a woefully inadequate apology. The truth: I forgot about my obligation to one because of my obligation to another.
That is the change - having dual obligations. Work was my constant, my only, for almost a dozen years. I lose myself in it, today I lost myself. I thought of him often, looking forward to our Wednesday outing, but forgetting the obligation. Not because of malice or insensitivity, I was caught up in habits. On autopilot. I have never had dual obligations.
I made him feel less than important. How could I do that when his presence has changed my life in so many wonderful ways? He needed me and I was not there. I can not think of a single instance in the last nine months where I have wanted for anything.
I need to improve my ability to balance the two changes in my life , just as I had to improve my ability on the treadmill.

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