Sunday, April 7, 2013

Reflections

Stewart street. Charlotte street. Kingston. Pearl avenue. somewhere in Toronto, two addresses. Charlotte st. Charlotte st. Neptune street. Nine known addresses. Seven of those addresses with me. And, many, many trips back and forth in a cat carrier.
Me and my Ella-Cat. The little stray that showed up on my doorstep. Or maybe I stole her from someone, though I still don't think she matched the description when the person called after seeing my found poster.
I still can't believe she was sick. Is sick. Not sure of verb tense. Supply plans to be made for Wednesday. I will have to hold my cat when they put her down. No one else can do it. Just me. Not Chris. It has to be me. And a thousand sorries. I am not a vet. I did not know she was sick. I thought she was old. Old like me, but in a cat way. I grew up in the country, I have never had an old cat before. I did not know what to look for.
Now I do. Too late. Truly hope that the other cats are not sick. Nor the dog.
Ella is my feline self. Part of me. In her is wrapped up my life stages from the age of 22. University. Finishing. Being intensely homesick while in Mexico. Missing her tremendously. All of those nights in the crappy Charlotte street apartment waiting for the key to scrape in the lock. It rarely did. The other Charlotte street apartment, the better apartment. Burying my face in her fluffy fur and crying hot tears of anger. Watching her fur glow pink in the sun of the pink living room. Sharing pizza and cereal and yogurt with her. Watching her wander through this house with the same wide eyed look as me when we moved in.
I think, one of the reasons, I fell in love with Chris was because of the kindness he showed my animals. Even Manfred. But especially Ella. Like the night we brought her to the new house and he was going to stay here with her without furniture. I talked him out of it, but that was his plan to help her to acclimatize to the new house. How he has learned to sleep, and never complains, while strewn with cat. How he held both of us at the vet's today, his big hands so gentle. We are both so lucky. He did not quibble when the vet bill was almost 4 figures.
He understands She is my inter species life mate. I am going to miss her more than words can say.

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