Reflections

The bed feels empty without him. An old back injury, making itself known, has forced him to sleep on the couch, so I am left alone in the bed. I used to hate sharing a bed with anyone. After the deed was done, I was glad when J left so I could stretch out and fall asleep in silence, The first summer when Chris didn't leave, or I couldn't, it felt weird. It felt like there were nights where I laid awake all night listening to him snore and resenting him for each nocturnal noise. Plus, I was too freaked out, overstimulated, by what had happened during the day that it played like a loop over and over in my mind.

    Now, those nocturnal noises are part of the white noise. They cover up the sounds that the house and three roaming cats make. He is the warmth. My heart-racing, eyes wide awake, senses tingling dreams have all but ended. He takes my hand and tugs me back to reality, and I fall back asleep mumbling apologies for having woken him. He doesn't need to mention them in the morning.

Again, I marvel at the changes in my life in such a short period of time.  Practically a life time, at least 30 years of bad dreams, almost obliterated in a year. Only the strength of his love could do that.