I am pissed off. He does not get to post pictures of roses with a happy valentine's day exclamation mark all caps on my facebook wall. For years I longed for him to acknowledge the cheesy holiday. To take the initiative and be a normal boyfriend. Not once. Ever did he do that. He does not get to do that now - not in jest, not in friendship, not in anything. Ever.
I am too mad at myself to even see straight any time I even think about how many years of my life I wasted, threw away, sullied on him. How much emotional anguish I allowed myself to feel because of him.What it did to my self worth. All those thoughts wasted on someone so undeserving. He had no idea.
Pause in the rant to acknowledge that Chris is my everything. I am glad I waited almost 36 years for him. He is better than anything and anyone I ever could have imagined. The last year has been like a dream come true. I am living my own happily ever after.
J. never ever made me feel that was my life.
He never made me feel like he couldn't wait to see. Usually I felt like an annoyance. A bother. I only feel that way when I interrupt WOW to ask Chris to perform a domestic responsibility.