Sunday, March 17, 2013

Reflections

We are not a couple that fight. The big stuff draws up closer. We talk it out. We listen tongue other person. We stumble onto that middle ground, and all is well. So. Why this? Why this week of nattering and squabbling over nothing? And me making perceived ultimatums? And him getting a duffle bag from a dusty shelf. We are better than this. This is not us.
Maybe it's just settling in, adjusting pains. Almost one year of having lived together. Me and him. I've never lived with anyone, it's been a long time for him. I want this to work so badly. I want our ten years, twenty years, 30, 40, maybe 50 is a stretch. I don't want to be the statistic for those who do not make it. Nor do I want to be those who sty together because they don't know what else to do. I want us to be together because we are happy and good for each other.
He is not happy right now. He feels overwhelmed. He feels under pressure. I need to alleviate that. He used the word "ineffectual" several times to describe his feelings. That diva horrible word. I need to make him realize how stunningly effectual he is. How every day he takes away my breath and makes me appreciate him like it is the very first time.

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