I should be sleeping. He is snoring, manfred is curled up around my head. Tomorrow is a pa day. Report card writing. I reread the last two years of may and June, 2011 and 2012. A definite difference in tone. 2011 I was so overwhelmed by professional obligations... The desire to be the perfect teacher. Better than everyone else. Filling all of my time with that. So little for me - I didn't want there to be. Alone time meant thinking about things better left unthought. Last year was the bitter sadness of leaving Kenner and the excitement of buying the house. The symbol that really it was me and him. I still can't write forever. Always the queen of jinx. I don't even remember writing report cards. I am sure I did.
Now this year. Petty arguments about housework. A superficial worry about money. More concerned about what we will do to keep ech other entertained this summer. I want to write, be creative, play in my house.
But despite that, in spite of that, there is a bedrock of calm and pece. Sometimes even still I walk into a room and am pleasantly startled to find him there. Waking up in the middle of the night and there he is. I talk so much because I am so contented,.