Just read your Cult of the Bride update. It's an interesting exercise you've chosen to take on. My dear, I wonder if you are working thru this whole thing from a place of such hurt. You have only been out of your own r'shp since Oct and haven't even gone thru all the seasons yet. Its a hard thing to have to go be part of a big wedding in paradise where all things are possible in this condition. You are in such delicate conditiion right now, the fact that you are able to work and live on your own is huge. Instead of even paying any attention to this sort of exercise, go to the library and pull out half a dozen children's books and read them closely. This is literature that deals with life in the simplest of terms and allows matters of the heart to have a rest. I have a collection of them that I choose from and they are comfort food for me, begin to feel like the person I am in the moment. My first year alone I felt like a sail that could be blown away in a light breeze and had to make my life very small to keep going. Honestly, I wonder if it wasn't unkind of your family to allow you to be part of the service at this time. You could have attended and been a cherished member of the family. That's why you were there. If you got "What's wrong with you?" even occasionally, know that Nothing is wrong with you, its all so normal to be in major emotional trauma and all degrees in between.
Laura Arual ran into one of the students who will always stay with her.... five years later and she still thinks he is one of the saddest kids she has ever met. It pisses her off that no matter how much you try, sometimes all you can give them is kindness and not opportunity.
Just read your Cult of the Bride update. It's an interesting exercise you've chosen to take on.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I wonder if you are working thru this whole thing from a place of such hurt. You have only been out of your own r'shp since Oct and haven't even gone thru all the seasons yet. Its a hard thing to have to go be part of a big wedding in paradise where all things are possible in this condition. You are in such delicate conditiion right now, the fact that you are able to work and live on your own is huge. Instead of even paying any attention to this sort of exercise, go to the library and pull out half a dozen children's books and read them closely. This is literature that deals with life in the simplest of terms and allows matters of the heart to have a rest. I have a collection of them that I choose from and they are comfort food for me, begin to feel like the person I am in the moment. My first year alone I felt like a sail that could be blown away in a light breeze and had to make my life very small to keep going. Honestly, I wonder if it wasn't unkind of your family to allow you to be part of the service at this time. You could have attended and been a cherished member of the family. That's why you were there. If you got "What's wrong with you?" even occasionally, know that Nothing is wrong with you, its all so normal to be in major emotional trauma and all degrees in between.
Keep talking on UnFace, I look for you everyday.
Meg